Life goes on

Posted by clarence in Sep 30, 2011, under Uncategorized

Back to blogging here, again. I do miss blogging, for most of the time as so many things came across my mind that want to share it out with everyone. Unfortunately, to-do-list just wouldn’t let me to do so. Tons of things queueing up for me to complete. Well, lots of things happened, obviously.

Before I got my SPM result, college life started. My result didn’t appeared as what I expected it’ll be, disappointed. All that happened didn’t really calm me down as all these aren’t what I want. Ironically, I’m glad of all these happened. I started to realize that everythin fell on place, things happened to reason, God’s plan. Believe it or not? At first, everythin seems so wrong that I always mumbled by myself sayin that, “I’m not supposed to be here”, “I could’ve own that”, “I deserve a better one” and etc. At the end, everything around me had shown that I’m in the right place and were destined to be here.

After had gone through the thunders and storms all the while, my pride of youth grown stronger and wiser.

As I would like to share with everyone, a quote that I stil remember, ‘Life goes on no matter how awful or greatful it’ll be’.

So, yeah. Live without regret!! :D

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Shed tears

Posted by clarence in Jun 28, 2010, under 1

28 june 2010

I’ve been stopped updating my blog since there’s an exam and time are jus that pack. Isit too weak in managing my schedule?? But anyhow, i wont forget my blog.

          Well…Recently, my father resigned from his job. I wonder why he did so. Questions bugging around my head… Answer’s there but no guts to find out from dad. Mom kept scold lots of things bout father of resignin before gets a new job. Mother works dwi-jobs to pay some of the debts and of coarse not loan shark.

          I wanted so much to know how to save money as there’s so many stuff i have to pay like for food? School’s stuff? And extra stuff?? I always got ways.. Just that i’m tired of thinking so much bout MONEY! I jus hate t see parents worried bout it. I cant work as I got SPM this year. I hate when i cant help to solve something. Frankly, i looked tough and at the same time,i’m not when ppl realise bout it. Usually i seldom express out my prob especially those that are sad. And even hardy revealed my feelings..I might be laughing out that loud, enjoyin so much, inside, I have problems, a lot, usually family’s problem. Next would be studies..

          Its not that fun when saw anyone doesn need to worry bout their financial problem. Cried, but in heart. I wonder how much i’ve cried wit that. Physically for sure not gonna cry. Its too pain… Yet, my princip is stil there. Be tough even i cant. I know there’s someone i could depend. But i felt the more they gave me, the weaker i am. I’m trying to avoid that evil minded. I wouldnt fall for that…I’m standing against it!! Evil’s trap are everywhere, jus everywhere.

Just one thing i could do, pray, God bless..

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Scolded monkey

Posted by clarence in May 08, 2010, under May 2010

8may2010

Came back from tuition and on the way home, i were told to make sure monkey to do al the exercises given and even some papers lik exam. Was stomachache since morning after ate that chicken floss before tuition.

          Those exercises given to monkey, the younger de to do. Argued with both monkey. Younger monkey went in room. Elder was at hall. Scold him till wanna cry. Both no manners. I scolded them very teruk. I said other ppl look down on them but i din. Even own mom also said the ”stupid” words towards then but i din. Coz i know they can study. But what i got? I treat them so good and they could even behave that badly in front of me. I asked if anyone else that wil always say they’re clever and so on. Can study but don wan study…Don wan study still behave that terrible. Even both of them, I could see, they wanted to cry too.

          I went to my rooms and busy with my stuff. Cried.

           Later on was my grandma..She cmplained my dad married he wrong ppl and so on. Should have married a better one than my mm. Hello? cant lok forward? i was eatin infront of her, my back face her, i told her not to say anymore. Say edi also useless. what for wanna say. Cant change anything also. WHile i eat the rice, it wasn’t nice, i wanted to throw away but i din. I thought of God. If i throw, i’m wasting. I even eat together with my tears. Tears kept rolling down, silently. I guess grandma din know.?? Grandma even say its right not to say it back coz there’s no use to regret anymore.BUT!!! she stil continue say?? what does this mean?? T.T if they din crazy, i might crazy. One family wert… Why wanna lik this? Family…No one supposed to left behind!! Family!! Always together!! F.A.M.I.L.Y…family~

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HIstory class

Posted by clarence in May 07, 2010, under May 2010

7May2010

Last week’s history class were cancelled. The first class only and it was cancelled. This make a bad impression to other new student like my fren. Luckily today’s class were not cancelled.

      Our history teacher, named Mr.Shiva. Lots of people thought it was the same Mr.Shiva from ET includin me. Just when the teacher came in the class, I wanted to laugh man~ Compared to the ET, he’s old. Well.. I expect teacher would teache but teacher din. I kept look at the time to pass. For that one whole period, teacher was telling us the ramalan. Great…Good to know whats coming out for SPm. It lightens my stress.. =)

SEJARAH YEA!!!

^_^

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My english paper 2

Posted by clarence in May 05, 2010, under 1, May 2010

5May2010

Previously, my english paper, essay part, i din get to finish up. So, i guess i finish it here..

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         It was the first semester of the year in Shadyside Highschool has just started. Everyone was busy preparing themselves for their test which was just around the corner. Every year, schools will always choose the top students for the scholarship to the senior Highschool College. It wasn’t as easy as there were many great competitors in Shadyside Highschool. Both of my sisters had been chosen for the scholarship for the previous year. NOt surprisingly I’m one of the top students too. Father had pressured me a lot on my studies so that I could get scholarship too which same as my sisters. Mom was still lying sickly on her bed since the incident happened last year where she met with an accident when she’s on her way back home just to make tuna bread for me. Guilt went through my skin whenever I thought of it.

           A meting had just ended with all the members of English Society. There were a few reports that had to be done by tomorrow. Josh, a boyfriend of mine, would always help me out throughout the report whenever I get too tired or even busy. Sarah is my bestfriend and also James. This evening, Sarahcame to my house with her classmates, Martin to study for tomorrow’s test. All of us having a great time discussing and solving all the exercises that Mr.Brandon gave us today, my biology teacher.

          Time pass that fast and the biology test was ended. Josh was so caring that he had brought me lunch as he knew I hadn’t eaten anything yet since morning. But then, Josh had been acting strangely since the Biology test. Recently, Sarah had always gone out somewhere with Josh an left me alone. James came up to me since he’s alone too. We’ve been so close for these couple days. At the same time, Josh Still always with Sarah. I don’t mind as Sarah was my bestfriend.

          All the test had ended, what a relieved. Josh brought me to a Italian restaurant to celebrate my birthday. He brought a beautiful, black classic dress for me. I could wore that to the Prom Night this coming Saturday. Next morning, biology paper had given back to all the students included me. It was so awful that I could get a ’ B ‘ for my biology test. The teacher must have marked wrongly. I never got a ‘ B ‘ before for my biology test. Soon, I met Mr.Brandon to complain about my grade. Hopefully he would change it. Unfrtunately, Mr.Brandon told me that that was the grade I should get. I went home and my father still didn’t know about my result. I cant let him felt so down as he’s worrying a lot about my ill mom.

          Everyone in the school knew about my biology’s grade. They must be laughing and teasing me now. Even Josh had persuaded me several times but I gave no response. Josh and Sarah were so worried about me I decided to find Mr.Brandon again to try my luck once more if he could change my grade. Once i turned the door grip and opened the door, I smelt blood. The smell was so strong. I shouted when I found Mr. Brandon already dead under his table with a knife stabbed right to his chest.

          Now, everyone had been suspecting that I was the one that murdered Mr.Brandon for my biology’s grade. Josh had been acted so cold since he knew about Mr.Brandon’s death.   …..

[Here I stopped during exam and i straight wrote "I miss my teacher so much even he had gone".So obvious it was hang half way. DOnt even found the murderer yet. SWT!! anyway, I continue here =) ]

…. Sarah was the only one that still accompany me all the time. How glad I am to have such a wonderful sisterhood at this moment. Sarah believes I wouldn’t do such cruel thing even I would do anything to have my result a straight A. Yes, I admitted I said before I wanted Mr.Brandon to die because of my biology’s grade. I wouldn’t hope so if he had shifted to Shadyside Highschool and so coincident he was  the one that would teach my class biology lesson. However, I really didn’t mean it to hope he really would die.

          I told Sarah I’m going home because tired of the rumours around the school. Sarah understand and she told me to ignore them. I nodded and went back home right after I took my bags from my locker. As soon as i reached outside of my house gate, there’s a white car parked right in front of my house. Nobody was in there. Just when I opened the house door, mom were sitting opposite a man. I guessed they’ve been waiting for me. The man introduced himself, the Inspector Brian. Also, he said the reason he came to my house is to request about Mr.Brandon’s death. I hesitated and agreed to be requested. After an hour like that, Inspector Brian drove his car away as soon as he had finished request me. Mom hand me a glass of water and I were told to rest in room. I went up towards my room and laid my bag on the chair. I lied down on my bed and fell asleep.

          My phone rang in a sudden. I looked at the clock, it was 1A.M. midnight. I wonder who’s calling at this hour. No number stated from the call. It must be calling from public phone. I picked up. A male’s voice, he says that he’ll do whatever thing as long as I would be happy. I thought Josh was playing around with me but it doesn’t sounds lik Josh. It kept repeating over and over again. So I just end the call. But the prank call wouldn’t leave me. It continued for few days and making me felt even more scarier.

          It was the day where everyone’s waiting for, the Prom Night. It was held at the school’s hall. With the bright chandelier shines the hall and everyone’s suits. Josh and I won the award for the most sweetest couple of the night. Later on, James accidently poured his wine on my dress. So, I went to toilet for a little wash. As I looked on the mirror, a sentence written in red lipstick says, “YOU’RE MINE,NOT JOSH!!”. I were so shocked and ran out. I told Josh and Sarah about it. Just when everyone was enjoying themselves, the chandelier suddenly went off. The hall was so dark and screams everywhere. The light were back in 10 minutes and teacher told everyone to cool down as everything was fine back. We were told that someone had shut down the electricity.

          Josh lead me out to a quiet place. He said wanted to confess to me something. As what he said, he went to find Mr.Brian before I did. He couldn’t bear to see i’m so sad.He begged Mr.Brian lots of times but he got out of control. Josh punched the teacher but got hitted on his head by someone else. Just when he awakes, he found Mr.Brian already dead under his table. He immediately ran out and pretend as if nothing had happened. Tears rolled down my cheeks and hugged him. He wanted to tell it to police on another week after he spend every seconds he could first. Josh sent me back to my home. I watched his car drove away. Then I headed to my room.

          My parents must be sleeping now as they have to woke up early in the morning. I was surprised when I saw my bed and things on my desk weren’t in the exact position like usual. I sensed something wrong and slowly walk around. A hugged from behind in a sudden. Just as I wanted to scream, it’s palm covered my mouth. Whispered beside my ear, it was James. A knife pointed to shut me up. I was so nervous that I could even hardly breathe. James knelt down and sobbed. He said he had been missing me all the time and was so hurt when I broke him up last 2 years ago. He still loves me like as usual but he got no idea to be with me again. He was so upset too when he saw I was so depressed for my biology test. He killed Mr.Brian and make everything like it was Josh the one that killed teacher so that everyone would thought he was the murderer. Unfortunately Josh got away and so coincident I went in. I shouldn’t went in that time, which ruin his plan. James pleaded me to break with Josh and be with him.

          Just at the right time, Josh appeared in front of my door with a lipgloss of mine in his hand. I shouted Josh for help. James gasped and fought with Josh. Both fell and struggled, rolling on the floor, and wrestling. My leg were too weak to stand, heart pounding so fast and only could shouted for help from parents. Dad came in and stopped the fight. James were arrested after that and few police requested us of what had happened. Josh went back to his home.

          Once everyone got back to school, the news had spread around. I saw Josh, with a bandage around his palm, probably got injured all the while in the fight yesterday. We got a wide smile and relieved a lot. Finally the truth had revealed and Josh doesn’t need to be arrested anymore. End of year, everyone graduated and I got the scholarship, and even Josh got it too. Somehow, I would thought of the incident that terrified me. At the same time, I would tell Josh that I missed my teacher even he had gone.

End.

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sorry coz its kinda long… =)

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Wat a day~

Posted by clarence in May 04, 2010, under May 2010

4May2010

Got back history papers, FAILED, i got 39%. =.= congrats~ My classmates don believe i did myself. They thought i copy for paper1. Objective quest, if don know answer, circle either the shortest or longest answer la..Thats how i did my paper1. I was so AM GONG got 32correct over 40. AM GONG nia ok??

          Then accounts, i know i did it very terrible. I’d wasted lots of marks. But what to do?? Not enough sleep ma. My head is so heavy la wei~ Is not that i really don wan do bu is i cant get to force my mind from thinkin it harder. Well.. I failed, got 38% only.

          Next was when i’m waitin for Von’s mom outside along school’s fence there. Suddenly got a thing drip down. Bird’s shit!!! My gaawwwddd~~~~ ANyway,i use the ice-cream sticks to wipe away. And of coarse wash it… Luckily kena my hand only.. SWT!!!!

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=)

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Cant wait to take pin number..=)

Posted by clarence in May 03, 2010, under May 2010

2May2010

As long as i met Pn.Yusnita, automatically would remind me of pin number to apply for a college. My aim was Matriculation. It was only 10% of chances for non-malay to successfully enter it. I’ll lik to bet wit it..My new war… It’s chances was so thin but who knows?? Maybe i could be the one?? Anyway, I put my hope one it 60%. Mom suggested me to go for form6. Form6 isn’t that bad as i could study more indetailed. College is just part of my hope. It wasnt that big deal if i cant get to enter college after form5. I wanted to enter this college is jus because to see my luck n of coarse this would helps me to decrease my/parents burden. But if can, i really hope i could get it. And same goes to scholarship. Not everyone could get it. God bless~~ ^_^

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^_^

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Haunts me

Posted by clarence in May 02, 2010, under May 2010

2 May 2010

I always had nightmare since primary. Once, i followed my sis to church, i as a visitor only, we saw Commander. We had a short talk. Then sis came up wit the nightmares i had. Commander heard and she and I prayed? She holds my hand and said somethin from God and so on. I thought i wont had nightmares anymore but i’m wrong. MOst of the time i had stupid nightmares. If it was weird type, i don care. But if it was scary, I jus hope i would jus stay awake.What does my dreams wanna tell me? Isit giving me warning of something? Isit my past? Isit because i read too many horror stories or movies? Isit my punishment? Or its jus so coincident have that stupid nightmares? =.= What a great stories i have seen in my dream~~ =X

Brew

Brew

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Love in Maths type? (Lets check it out)

Posted by clarence in May 01, 2010, under May 2010

1May2010
I read a magazine [malay magazine], which they wrote lots of incidents that happened. Crimes, murders, life, motivation, histories, spirits, etc. I would lik to share one of it out in here. =)
There’s a woman named Siti [not real name], a mother, half century in the age, did anything she could to continue her bitter life. Siti’s ex-husband left her just because wanna tackle another female who are long hair, much more younger n had much smoother leg than Siti. Later on, they both divorce. Both side’s family don even care how Siti suppose to continue her life. Al Siti could hear was, “Can your ex-husband give the female happiness?”
          Rumours n accusations were everywhere says that Siti doesn’t know how to take care her husband,failed to be a good wife. Even her parents thought so, too. After 17 years marriage, Siti back to her lonely life. Although Siti stil having her own career n were independent, the divorce is so awful n suffering. That pain had affected her children’s studies in school, n so do her career. Siti’s been degraded n both of her boys started loafing around n even involved in fights.
          Her life is getting worse. Sometimes she don’t even know who she is n why she bcame someone who don even know herself. Siti very confused n at the very moment, she’s tryin to bcome a good woman n a good mother too. Anyhow, she continue passes her gloomy day. She always got sick. Happiness isn’t about owning property nor money, it comes from ones soul- Siti thought. Loneliness drives Siti to think of suicide so that she wouldn have to face anyone else. But whenever she saw the sweet face of her children, al of the plan were cancelled.
          Whenever in the darkness, Siti hardly could believe that someday there’ll be a light would shine her world again. Her pysical, mental n her soul was deeply hurted. Even jus a step forward Siti would felt so hurt. Plus, Siti don have the courage to talk even whisper. Evrythin that she heard, sees or touch are as if insultin her as a failure. She felt even worse than a dead ppl or a zombie.
          When she’s too sad, she would just cried in front of her children but she would say she’s ok and just needed a warm hug from them. Their understanding made Siti felt much calmer n more relieve back. Only when she was too tense, how she hope that she could give her ex-husband a tight slap n tel him any harsh words in his office. If she could, she would wanna sleep with any guys to forget her anger. Sometimes Siti wanted to play other guys’s feelin as a revenge for what she had past. But, she didnt. She pay more attention to her job n her children.
          Some other time, Siti would pretend as if nothing had happened n busy too wit taking drugs n heavy drinks but she failed to do so. Maybe it is God that purposely let her go through this kind of thing so that I could bcome a better person- Siti thought. Her love towards her children makes her stronger to cintinue with her life. Siti moved to a new place bcoz so many ppl were gossiping bout her status as a widower. Somehow, she doesn have many frens at the alien place. At that moment, she always cried in her room, alone, missing her ex-husband.
          So, is bcoz of this, Siti get some counselor through the live cal in radio. Siti decided not to hide her feeling in her heart anymore. On the other hand, she wanna find the cure wit any ways to confront to the world. If she feels lik giving up, she would just remind herself, within that 10 to 15 years thats she felt, is not a reality anymore. Its so tough to go on that kind of life with her kids. Worry n fear that always follows her. Siti admitted that she felt so scare to live alone wit 3 children at an alien area. Every night she pray that the day n night would never comes for a long moment. Siti thought she cant go through al these. As she is the only one adult in the house, Siti have to sacrifice herself n save every cent  she have for her children’s daily life usage.
          Once, Siti wanted to buy a pair of clothes for herself. But, she have to bear with it with biting her finger til its bleedin and went back home. She doesn mean to injured herself but she have to do that for her children’s future. Everytime she disappointed and fail, she would repeat to heself, “i wil attempt and must keep going on!“.
           ”I would never let myself drown in this feeling anymore after divorced,” said SIti to herself. Siti read motivation books and try to handle her pressure. Her other female friends that positive mind bout life help her alot and changed her soul too. One of Siti’s fren taught her how to live alone. Some taught her meditation and some recommended her to exercise. One by one came to helps Siti out from her past.
          It was as if a coma victim that jus awake the long sleep, finally Siti did to forget her past even she tried to remember it. She valued her life back. Hardship and death are part of an ordinary life. At last, Siti congrats to herself for going through love experience, lost of love and know how to love someone.
          Since then, Siti started her life with different ways: Use her time wisely, treat evryone with a pleasure way, see love in different angle by helpin those who are in need, not by going out with guys, and also coherently in life. What Siti had done had changed herself. Siti wouldn interrupt what her kids think bout their father even their father would visit them on certain time. He always treat his new wife n kids only. Now, Siti’s children already graduated at university and have own professional career. What important was, they love Siti alot and would proudly tel their friends bout Siti. Wheneven Siti met her ex-husband, no more hatred nor anger in her heart. Siti thought, he’s jus anyone else, not the guy that she had shared with las time. Yes, he stil same as las time, but for Siti, she had bcom a new woman.
          Lik a pieces of glass grinded with fire and bcome even sharper than ever, now Siti bcom stronger than before the divorce. Eventhough Siti had just confirmed she got cancer, her future is stil bright for her. She’s not ready to die yet bcoz there’s more spaces for her. Siti would change her gear and went to a better life.
          Anyway, Siti wont forget the past in her life. The feelin of it had gone and turned to a stronger one. She wanted to tel everyone, no matter how suffer u are, is not too late to happy back! =)
          Here the stories end. Love in DIFFERENT ANGLE!! If u are left by anyone, no more true love in life, no more partner to share feelings wit u, doesn mean life ended jus lik this!! U know how pain is the hurt…Should be greatful that u know what is hurt n how does it feels. People who doesn know, u could see they always hurt people lots coz they don know how’s the hurt feeling. If lost in love wit partner, why not love others? I mean,  u’re born in this world to worship God. Serve for others if u cant serve yourself a better life. Think of others who had tougher life. Or even those who cant even have that 1 single sec to live. Or even handicapped. With al the organs and life u had, jus use it wisely. Not everyone given a perfect organ. Appreciate everything u had. There’s no use to complain so much yet u din do anythin to solve it. Be positive!!

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^_^
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blaCkoUt!!

Posted by clarence in Apr 30, 2010, under April 2010

30April2010

Around 1something midnite, there’s a blackout when i was blogging half way. I thought it was jus a little while. But din know it was ALL NIGHT! i have to stop blogging n cant even revise my accounts. I kept hopin that another 1 hour more, it’ll back to normal. But it didnt.. Sigh~ It turned to be normal back when it was the time i should have wake up edi. Swt la..

          Next day exam, i did my papers badly. I was so headache n jus only could think of sleep!!! Heads are so heavy.. No appetite either… Thats why exam time should have enough sleep. Otherwise i’l be gettin a nice red n round egg from teacher. Great~~ Damn moody..

anyway, here’s a song that guan joo recommended to me

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^_^

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